Often, feelings overwhelm us with such force that there is no opportunity to control them. This is especially true for such powerful emotions as anger and rage. But even nothing bad in them – you just need to start listening to yourself. About how to make friends with your emotions and show them safely, says the coach and psychologist Alexander Ivanin.

In life and at consultations, I often encounter conviction that anger is a bad emotion. Many believe that good people do not get angry or, at least, do not show it to others.

Someone received such a conviction in the family: for example, in the form of messages that you can’t fight and swear. Someone, observing the scandals of parents in childhood or getting a bit, came to this himself.

Indeed, with the word “anger” we often imagine a reddened face distorted by a grimace of rage, spraying a saliva mouth, from which cruel words break out, and clenched fists, ready for battle.

Such attacks of aggression are similar to an eclipse in which a person loses his temper and can easily go to violence.

Anger is so powerful and destructive that a person can try to completely abandon him. Or, unable to restrain himself, falls into a feeling of guilt even if anger was appropriate and necessary.

In modern science, there is still no unequivocal definition of what emotions are, the attitude towards them changes over time. But in one thing all converges without a doubt: emotion is a comprehensive answer to an external or internal stimulus, so it cannot be bad or good.

Nevertheless, destructive ways of treating it still exist. Useful, functional use of emotions leads to solving the problem, destructive – not only does not help to overcome difficulties, but can also create new.

Anger is one of the reactions to a threat, extremely important for protection. We are angry when we take away what we consider to be our own, or when they do not let us get what we want. The energy of anger is directly related to vitality and sexuality, and without anger the human race would hardly survive and established himself.

We are anger when our needs are not satisfied. And the desired answer to this emotion is at least an attentive, serious and responsible attitude towards us (“I am angry because you do not take seriously what I say!”), But at the maximum – a change in behavior or situation (” I am angry because you have stepped on my foot, and I want you to notice and remove this!”).

What is characteristic: no matter how we describe anger, even before it can be aware, it manifests itself in the body. Information about incentives first of all falls into the almond -shaped body, and, in the event of a subjective or objective threat, a physiological reaction is launched, which can be experienced as anger a second later.

The muscles strain, the heart begins to beat faster, blood pressure increases, breathing quickens. Blood flows to the heart, lungs and muscles, digestion is suspended. Hormones, including adrenaline and norepinephrine, support an additional surge of strength. Thus, our body is preparing for the battle.

If we systematically suppress anger, then all this a huge amount of energy is locked in the body, which ultimately leads to an increase in the risk of developing various diseases. Most often, the cardiovascular, digestive and immune systems suffer from.

If we allow anger, but at the same time we do not know how to regulate it, then we can go into a rage and harm ourselves, other people surrounding the situation or relationships. After all, physical and verbal violence ultimately damages not only the victim, but also the aggressor.

Since expressing anger effectively and at the same time safe? How to make it functional? There is no unambiguous and suitable answer for this question. But there are stages of working with this emotion that can help.

The only thing is that it is important to remember that everything written below is applicable only in situations where there is no threat of our physical security.

Recognition of anger

Surprisingly, we cannot always understand what feelings are raging inside. If you feel such a difficulty, take a break and listen to yourself. Any sensations are important – bodily, emotional, as well as thoughts, fantasies and images that come to you. The more complete the picture you collect, the easier it will be to correlate it with possible feelings. Gradually, this process develops into a habit and will occur much faster.

Determination of anger source

If we already realized that we are angry, we most often know the reason. But even if this is so, try to put it aside your explanation for a while and try to highlight the aspect of the situation that you really want to change as clearly as possible.

Assessment of the intensity of anger

The next stage is to understand how strong your anger is. Evaluate it on a scale from 0 to 10 or imagine an image describing its strength. Choose a word that most accurately reflects it-irritation, indignation, discontent, anger, fury, rage or some other. If the anger is too strong, it is likely that it will require a greater inclusion of the body in the process of expression of emotion.

Assessment of the situation

Having dealt with your feelings, take a look at the situation in which you are. It is important to decide whether it is worth expressing anger now completely or better to restrain it and express it later in a suitable atmosphere. No matter how we want to solve issues immediately, we have to admit that social relations do not always give us such an opportunity. But if we realize what we are specifically experiencing, and return to this feeling later, then this will not harm.

The bodily expression of anger

When expressing anger through the body, it is important to avoid harm to yourself, other people or the environment. Any kind of physical activity in which your tension will be released will be safely pronounced. For example, this is a classic pillow beat, running or quick walking, imitation of a battle – you can squeeze fists and teeth, strike a “invisible enemy”,

Donc, il y a deux options. Ou envoyez un message au lendemain après une date ou si vous avez déjà écrit immédiatement après une date, le lendemain de ne pas vous donner connaissance. Vous commencerez pharmacie érection écrire tous les jours – et la fille vous apportera dans une carte de “proie facile”. Et cela aussi, vous savez, n’est pas utile pour des relations saines et égales, à laquelle nous recherchons tous dans l’idéal théorique.

scream or even growl.

Verbal expression of anger

If you have passed all the previous stages, then you already know a lot about your feelings and you can convey to the interlocutor the essence of your sensations.

Tell the partner about your feelings, their strength and what caused them using the “I-Commonities”. Do not use humiliating and insulting words, do not blame another. So you increase the likelihood that you will be heard, and not just perceive as a threat, and anger will help you affirm your position with respect to the interlocutor.

Self -support

To adjust relationships with anger means mastering your own strength and wisdom, and it is unlikely that this can be learned instantly. Therefore, no matter what stage you realize what is happening, praise yourself for daring to deal with your emotions, all the more powerful as anger. You read this article to the end, which means that you have already taken the first and most important step to managing feelings.